Obsessed!!!???

Again with my parents divorce, I think it has had a HUGE emotional toll on me. Although I never show my feelings to my family, I know it has. If you have read my previous posts, you would know that one of the things (emotionally) that has changed about me is my relationships with adults. What I am trying to do is replace my mothers love, well I have found something else that it "wrong" with me. I get obsessed with things very ,very easily. I don't get it! It is almost as if I make "special" bonds with TV shows. I make connections with the characters, almost as if they are part of my family. I can no help it!! My friends think I'm weird for doing it, but none of them get it. The TV show that i have recently been addicted to would be The Nanny. Immediately, I feel in love with the character of Fran Fine. Her voice, her clothes, her overall personality!! That got me interested in Fran Drescher, who plays Fran Fine. Now I'm obsessed with Fran Drescher..I love her! I know everything about her now. I feel like I'm some kind of freak!! It's almost as if my brain thinks of her as my mother! I have dreams with her in them all the time, and it's getting old. I don't know how to stop being obsessed with her, her TV show, or anything else that I get obsessed over these days!! I am sooo OBSESSED!!!!

Problems with Love?

I know this sounds weird, but it seems that I make strong emotional relationships with adults. Most of the time it is with women. I think i am trying to replace my mother's (lack) of love. Since my mom was abusive and didn't love me, I try to get other adult women to love me..replacing the love that my mom still hasn't shown me. Even if that particular woman doesn't that I'm trying to do that..I almost have a mother-to-daughter with some of my teachers. Sometimes I even have dreams about my teachers or celeberties being my mom. (i make the same connections with celeberities that i do with my teachers, even if i have never meet them) I feel as if I'm going crazy trying to replace love that was lost because I know for a teenage girl, love from her mother is important. Although I have a step-mom, that I call mom, it doesn't feel the same. I love my mom (step-mom) sooo much and i would never want to loose her, but I can't get rid of this feeling!! Do I have problems with love?

1 Up and Millions of Downs!

Life is full of ups and downs..mine is full of 1 up and a million downs! My parents are divorced, my dad is married to my mom's (EX) best friend, my mom was dating my dad's (EX) employee, and my mom is a lunitic. If that is not enough, I am 13 and have already been to court!! The only up in my life was getting temporary full custody with my dad and step-mom. That was all I looked foward to for 3 years! Plus, my mom is depressed, in denial, and an abusive mother. I don't even call her mom anymore, i call her by her first name. She has pushed me down the stairs, slaped me on the face, pushed me on the floor, and has called me or said these words to me or in front of me. Bi*ch, a*s(hole), fu*k, sh*t, slut, prostitute, skank, trashy, and whore. Many other times, including my 13th birthday, the police have been called on her by her (EX) friends because she owes them money or has done something horribly worng. I ofen think about my life as a chance to use my spy skills and a chance to grown and becoming a better person. I think of my life as a good thing because God has a special plan for me..i hope!!